Is Fear Making You a Jerk?

Spend the Ten Bucks, or Spiral Into Existential Dread?

If someone handed you $10 right now, would you A) gleefully march into a coffee shop and upgrade your sad drip sort of life to a life-affirming double shot, sugar free caramel, heavy cream breve? Or B) stand in the middle of the sidewalk, paralyzed, wondering which of your potential dreams you’ll crush by spending that Hamilton? (Spoiler: It’s just ten bucks. Chill out.)

This, oddly enough, mirrors a spiritual moment I had during a self-imposed “growth spurt” —the kind where you decide you’re going to get deep, and then immediately regret how deep you went. I can get obsessed sometimes.

Enter Foxe’s Book of Martyrs. If you’re ever in the mood for a light read that’s actually the opposite of that — like, “ouch-my-soul” level dark — it’s perfect. It’s a collection of stories about early Christians who suffered unimaginable horrors. I used to say unimaginable, but now that I’ve read enough of it to crush any resolve for that week, I wish I couldn’t imagine them anymore. Thanks, John Foxe.

Much like Christ — who was crucified by the Romans with PhDs in Torture Design — these stories are powerful, brutal, and historically necessary to be aware of. But here’s the thing: constantly marinating in the worst of humanity doesn’t actually help us become better humans. I mean, you don’t get joy by doomscrolling martyrdom, right? Or by seeing others great new thing and telling yourself you’re a loser because you don’t have the same.

So here’s the twist: whether you’re a CEO, a stay-at-home parent, a single introvert with a dog named Dan, or someone who still doesn’t know how taxes work — life constantly hands us two roads. One leads forward. The other looks like it’s going forward… but turns out to be a really confusing cul-de-sac with a sign that says “Growth Stunted Here.”

And while we love to say things like, “I just feel stuck,” the truth is, we’re all driving our own little emotional Teslas charged by what we truly desire in life: our mood, our mindset, the narrative we cling to like the cliffhanger of our favorite new show. Nobody’s totally out of control — not even your Aunt Jenny during election season.

In reality: humans were made in God’s image, with the ability to choose. But instead of staying plugged in to God’s mind-blowing wisdom and presence, we veered off, choosing our own “brilliant” ideas. And surprise! That disconnect kicked off a multi-generational game of Operation: Fear edition. (Don’t step out of bounds, you’ll get buzzed).

It’s no wonder we fixate on what’s wrong. The world practically dares us to. But being stuck in that pattern doesn’t mean we’re depressed. Sometimes, we’re just being… well, let’s say “chronically cranky.” Or as the street psychologists say: “negative assholes.” It’s a common diagnosis. No copay required. (Send $35 if you’d like though.)

So the real question is: what are you focusing on today?

Is it what you fear? What you lack? What you wish were different?

Or do you believe — even just a little — that you have the power to shift your focus to the good? To be present, even if the present moment involves spilled coffee, a toddler tantrum, or a boss who thinks “urgent” is a personality trait?

Because choosing to be present — to stop judging, stop spiraling, and just be — that’s the sweet spot. That’s where gratitude lives. That’s where your healthiest self starts waking up and saying, “Hey, this might be okay after all.” After all, life’s a journey, right?

So, next time you have $10 — or a hard decision, or a tough day — ask yourself: am I spending it on growth, joy, presence… or renting space in Downsville?

Choose wisely. And maybe still get the best latte of your life. You’ve earned it.