From Where I Stand

Tag: self-improvement

  • Is Fear Making You a Jerk?

    Spend the Ten Bucks, or Spiral Into Existential Dread?

    If someone handed you $10 right now, would you A) gleefully march into a coffee shop and upgrade your sad drip sort of life to a life-affirming double shot, sugar free caramel, heavy cream breve? Or B) stand in the middle of the sidewalk, paralyzed, wondering which of your potential dreams you’ll crush by spending that Hamilton? (Spoiler: It’s just ten bucks. Chill out.)

    This, oddly enough, mirrors a spiritual moment I had during a self-imposed “growth spurt” —the kind where you decide you’re going to get deep, and then immediately regret how deep you went. I can get obsessed sometimes.

    Enter Foxe’s Book of Martyrs. If you’re ever in the mood for a light read that’s actually the opposite of that — like, “ouch-my-soul” level dark — it’s perfect. It’s a collection of stories about early Christians who suffered unimaginable horrors. I used to say unimaginable, but now that I’ve read enough of it to crush any resolve for that week, I wish I couldn’t imagine them anymore. Thanks, John Foxe.

    Much like Christ — who was crucified by the Romans with PhDs in Torture Design — these stories are powerful, brutal, and historically necessary to be aware of. But here’s the thing: constantly marinating in the worst of humanity doesn’t actually help us become better humans. I mean, you don’t get joy by doomscrolling martyrdom, right? Or by seeing others great new thing and telling yourself you’re a loser because you don’t have the same.

    So here’s the twist: whether you’re a CEO, a stay-at-home parent, a single introvert with a dog named Dan, or someone who still doesn’t know how taxes work — life constantly hands us two roads. One leads forward. The other looks like it’s going forward… but turns out to be a really confusing cul-de-sac with a sign that says “Growth Stunted Here.”

    And while we love to say things like, “I just feel stuck,” the truth is, we’re all driving our own little emotional Teslas charged by what we truly desire in life: our mood, our mindset, the narrative we cling to like the cliffhanger of our favorite new show. Nobody’s totally out of control — not even your Aunt Jenny during election season.

    In reality: humans were made in God’s image, with the ability to choose. But instead of staying plugged in to God’s mind-blowing wisdom and presence, we veered off, choosing our own “brilliant” ideas. And surprise! That disconnect kicked off a multi-generational game of Operation: Fear edition. (Don’t step out of bounds, you’ll get buzzed).

    It’s no wonder we fixate on what’s wrong. The world practically dares us to. But being stuck in that pattern doesn’t mean we’re depressed. Sometimes, we’re just being… well, let’s say “chronically cranky.” Or as the street psychologists say: “negative assholes.” It’s a common diagnosis. No copay required. (Send $35 if you’d like though.)

    So the real question is: what are you focusing on today?

    Is it what you fear? What you lack? What you wish were different?

    Or do you believe — even just a little — that you have the power to shift your focus to the good? To be present, even if the present moment involves spilled coffee, a toddler tantrum, or a boss who thinks “urgent” is a personality trait?

    Because choosing to be present — to stop judging, stop spiraling, and just be — that’s the sweet spot. That’s where gratitude lives. That’s where your healthiest self starts waking up and saying, “Hey, this might be okay after all.” After all, life’s a journey, right?

    So, next time you have $10 — or a hard decision, or a tough day — ask yourself: am I spending it on growth, joy, presence… or renting space in Downsville?

    Choose wisely. And maybe still get the best latte of your life. You’ve earned it.

  • Care? Or think you SHOULD care?

    So, I was watching the news the other day—like a responsible adult who pretends they’ve got a handle on the world—and in true chaotic fashion, a political clip flashed across the screen. You know the kind: stern faces, firm declarations.

    My brain lights up: “this matters a lot!”

    Is this good?

    Is this bad?

    Is it secretly both?

    Is the media spinning it? Am I being spun? Who really is informed?

    And just like that, I was off—launched into a 25-minute internal monologue that involved four hypothetical scenarios, five imaginary conversations, and me mentally arguing with some “representative” I’m not even sure what they do.

    But let’s skip the 600-word descent into that madness and cut to the punchline:

    I didn’t really care.

    I thought I cared.

    I believed I should care.

    But deep down, beneath the mental gymnastics and obligatory sighs of concern… I didn’t.

    Not really.

    And you know how I knew that? It became extremely boring to try to care. I cared more about caring than the topic I was SUPPOSED to care about.

    Now before you report me to your local “Citizen Who Should Care” hotline, let me clarify.

    I do care. I care about people.

    I just didn’t care about whatever thing was being discussed by angry man in a suit.

    There’s a difference. A big one, actually.

    When you truly care about something, it moves you—it compels you to act, to reflect, to engage.

    When you think you should care, it’s usually because someone else told you it’s important. Or because X did. Or because the anchor on the news got Very Serious™ with his voice.

    So there I sat, mildly stressed, semi-guilty, sipping coffee and wondering why I was so mentally invested in something I had no intention of doing anything about.

    And then it hit me: I was borrowing someone else’s care. Like a care-on-loan program and I have a horrible emotional credit score. The cost of the interest would floor me if I took that on.

    But here’s the strange and glorious twist: admitting I didn’t care, it gave me peace to be that honest.

    Because what I do care about is how people respond to news like that. My heart isn’t in the headlines—it’s with the person who’s afraid because of them, who’s confused, or angry, or overwhelmed.

    Even when I don’t agree with people’s perspective it’s nice to hear their conviction and walk alongside them.

    So instead of funneling all my energy into a political opinion I didn’t even want, I redirected it to empathy.

    And now, the real punchline—maybe the only part you need to hear:

    You only have so much energy every day.

    Which means it’s a precious resource. Like toilet paper during a panic (or eggs these days).

    So ask yourself:

    Do I actually care?

    Or do I just think I should?

    Practicing that tiny bit of honesty can save you hours of mental spiraling (refer back to my loan and interest metaphors, I was proud of that one).

    Because maybe you don’t care about that thing.

    But there is something else you care about a lot. And living in alignment with that thing makes you rational, grounded, and a lot less likely to throw your remote at the news.

    So go ahead—care less, on purpose.

    And care where it matters.

    Thank you for attending my TED Talk slash coffee-fueled ramble.

    A pic of me doing anything other than watching the news…..maybe she’ll braid it.
  • What if Darth Vader Was the Hero?

    What if Darth Vader Was the Hero?

    From where I stand, watch the Star War series and image an alternative perspective; what if Darth Vader was actually the good guy and the Jedi were the ones in the wrong?

    Here is my proposal:

    What if, Darth Vader, was actually the good guy in the Star Wars franchise? Let’s take a look at some reasons why I think this is so, and maybe a lesson can be gained out of it. Something about perspective and empathy no doubt.

    Origin Story:

    Before Darth Vader, Anakin Skywalker was a kind-hearted and passionate Jedi Knight who wanted to protect people he loved. His fall to the dark side was due to fear—fear of losing wife and mom. It was his misguided fear, most-likely due to childhood, single mom, responsibilities given to him prior to the emotional maturity. Childhood trauma is not so easily avoided, even in a Galaxy Far Far away. Anakin’s descent into darkness was driven by love and desperation.

    The Jedi Order thought that Anakin was the Chosen One who would bring balance to the Force. This is something he succeeded at he did exactly what the prophecy foretold—just not in the way people expected. The Jedi became rigid in their rules and detached from emotions separated the Jedi from the people they were meant to protect. When Anakin took out the Jedi (though violently) he dismantled a flawed system.

    And lets not forget when Anakin, now Vader destroyed the Emperor.

    Darth Vader took out the Jedi Pharisees and eliminated the power-hungry Sith.

    Was the Empire really that bad?

    Think about the Republic, aka “good guys.” Under their rule, corruption, crime syndicates, and slavery existed unchecked on many planets. The Empire offered order, stability, and unity across the galaxy. In fact, under Emperor Palpatine, technology thrived, interplanetary travel improved, and large-scale conflict was minimal.

    Maybe Vader saw himself as the necessary enforcer of peace. The Rebel Alliance, were freaking rebels who ended up causing widespread destruction. Couldn’t the “rebellion” have learned to negotiate within the confines of the structure. But no, the “good guys” took it upon themselves to overthrow the government and at some point aware of the lives it would cost to do so. Vader was focused on maintaining peace, and did so as Anakin aka Vader always did, through attempts to control with the best information he had at the time.

    Redemption

    True villains don’t seek redemption—but heroes do. In the end, Darth Vader chooses love over power, saving his son at the cost of his own life. This selfless act proves that the good in him was never truly gone. His final moment, where he asks Luke to tell his sister that he was right about him, confirms that Anakin Skywalker was always there, waiting for the chance to do the right thing.

    Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury:

    Was Vader perfect? No.

    Did he make terrible choices? Absolutely.

    But his journey was one of pain, sacrifice, doing what he believed to be best, and ultimately redemption.

    In the end, he was the one who destroyed the Sith, saved his son, and fulfilled the prophecy. Without Darth Vader, the galaxy would have remained trapped in an endless cycle of corruption and war.

    So was he really a villain?

    After all, how far would you go to fight for what you believe to be right?

    Like Vader, maybe we all have a dark side we need to address.

  • Diddy=Nothing New.

    Diddy=Nothing New.

    It was 2000, maybe 1999; unfortunately, any other year off of something wouldn’t matter, but this was Y2K we were talking about.

    1999 (things are OK) 2000 (things implode).

    So, it was February of 2000 and I was with my friend in his 1989 Buick. I just turned 15. The snowy landscape was visible for miles in our small Midwest farming town. My friend had his drivers license, I was too young to drive. Needless to say, I was very happy to ride shotgun on the plush seats.

    My friend puts on a song. My ears start to tingle.

    “My songs bump in Houston like Scarface produced ’em
    You ain’t gotta like me, you just mad
    ‘Cause I tell it how it is, and you tell it how it might be…    ”

    “Who is this?” I ask.

    “Puff Daddy” My friend says condescendingly.

    See, I didn’t listen to very much cool music growing up.

    I bought my first album in elementary school. Friends (Original soundtrack). I didn’t have a clue what to listen to back then and this weird mix of coffee house and alternative rock songs was not highly talked about in school.

    When I looked further into this”Puff Daddy” guy, I became enamored with the sunglasses, the cool videos, and the red leather pants. Now, for context, in 2000 ,”looked further” meant that I opened the little folded paper inside the CD case. I gleaned whatever I could from the various TV show appearances, Making the Band, talk shows, MTV interviews, and even picked up albums from anyone on Diddy’s Bad Boy Records. (See, Black Rob, Notorious B.I.G., Craig Mack, Faith Evans, The Lox).

    Sean Combs aka Puffy, aka Puff Daddy aka P. Diddy aka Diddy wasn’t that good of a lyricist. The albums weren’t the best. But it was his persona that stuck with me.

    Skipping to September, 2024. Sean “puffy” Combs gets arrested on charges related to using his empire to control women and sexually abuse them. The charges also include racketeering and sex trafficking. Along with these charges other allegations involved forced sexual acts with minors, sex parties known as “freak-offs” lasting up to 48 hours, and associations with sexual abuse of minors.

    It doesn’t stop there; other stories outside of the main charges started popping up. For instance, baby oil bottles filled with GHB used to manipulate people into sexual acts. Reports of various recordings from the 250 cameras inside the Diddy house. Also, various accusations implicating celebrities including some of the most famous people in Hollywood and professional sports.

    Mind blown right? Give a human being all the money, power, and influence they could want and It turns out some people use it to indulge their sickest desires.

    “Well, I would never….” A thought many people have.

    But the truth is, let’s say tomorrow you woke up and had all the money and notoriety as some of today’s modern celebrities. On top of that, you were surrounded by people who were normalizing the fulfillment of their deepest desires. Don’t you think there would be decisions made that you wouldn’t have agreed to before?

    Most people are not that good. They are scared. Scared to get caught and judged. But as society continues to deteriorate, it moves away from any sense of morality. As a result, normalization of deviant acts continue to increase.

    From where I stand human beings are not living as intended, as God-centered as we were made to be. If we replace the source of authority with our feelings, we become delusional. Further, as truth seems relative and holding people accountable is viewed as unfair, we lack checks and balances. Further tolerance leads to acceptance and eventually into participation.

    As history has taught us, societies rise and fall, America is not so special to avoid such things. We have to take in to account that an increasingly immoral and corrupt society will continue to breed an acceptance for further deviated behaviors.

    Diddy isn’t anything new. Nothing other than a celebrity who bought in to the idea that he was something special. We’ve all been in a position to assert some sort of power for our benefit. His power was vast and his “benefit” was to harm others. Our power might be used to slander or steal (as a former Napster user, guilty).

    We are all capable of atrocities. Any one of us has the potential to think that we are special, that the rules do not or should not apply. We think we don’t need authority, that we don’t need God. In fact, to a self-centered person, God is an interference on the presumed “good” they want to do.

    Self-indulgence runs rampant throughout the history of mankind. From Cain who killed his brother Abel, to kings and royalty, and tyrants throughout history. The more we look at the past, the more we see the same thing today.

    Modern celebrities are no different with the way they are viewed as deities among mere mortals. If you think you are different, or “you would never” you’ve got a whole history of other “good” humans who did some atrocious things who said the same thing.

    Just be honest with yourself. Judging separates you from relating to others. When you get disgusted, ask what inside of you it is that disgusts you. When you see Diddy or any other celebrity engaging in behaviors that you judge, just remember that you have done some things in your life you aren’t so proud of but justified at the time. Be willing to identify areas for self-improvement. Pray for guidance to recognize the shortcomings in your life that need addressing.

    All day…err day.