The following is based on real events. Some so disturbing, you may not want to go into this. Overall, it’s best you don’t:
A post I tried to submit to my Ring chat for people in my area. A post that was rejected…I think the Ring company is in on it.
Missing: Girl Scout Cookies (and maybe my dignity?)
So, a few weeks ago—okay, my wife says months, but let’s not get bogged down in “facts”—I gave some girls on bikes a wad of cash for some Girl Scout cookies. Out in broad daylight, the transaction from a grown man to two youths.
Now, I don’t even like the cookies. Not really. Thin Mints? Meh. Tagalongs? Eh. But I saw the book, filled out a form, and handed over my money like a trusting adult who believes in the power of youth and innocence.
Fast forward to today. I ask Alexa, “Hey, when do Girl Scout cookies get delivered?” And Alexa—bless her cold, robotic heart—tells me cookie season runs from February to the end of April. Welp. April’s over, and guess what I don’t have?
No Thin Mints.
No Shortbreads.
No…uh…third flavor. Caramel something? I forget, but there were three in total.
So I go to Wal-Mart and see some actual Girl Scouts selling cookies right there on the spot, the pros in the game. I ask them, “Hey, when do you deliver the pre-orders?” and they look at me like I just asked for the secret Krabby Patty recipe. “We sell them directly,” they say.
Wait, what? (Knees weak, arms are heavy, almost vomited on my sweater, mom’s spaghetti). Eminem lyrics can often describe my inner turmoil more than I can.
Now I’m thinking back…no uniforms, no badges, just a list and a story. She sat there on her bike, waited for me to get the cash, telling me her sister was too shy to ask. How as I supposed to walk away from that? How cold I tell a helping sister “no thank you?” The list I filled out had names, addresses—it was very legit looking. But now I see a different version…it was all a ruse. Two conwomen plotting a masterplan to not only gain some capital, but to soil the otherwise prestigious name of Girl Scouts. Can nothing be left untainted these days?
My wife and daughter say I got scammed. I say there’s still hope. Somewhere out there, my cookies are riding around in a backpack, waiting to come home. Maybe these poor girls aren’t conwomen, but lost and stuck with these three boxes of goodies they just want to get home. What a burden for two fragile little souls.
So, has anyone else handed $18 to a rogue cookie entrepreneur on two wheels? Or am I the only soft-sponsor of the Girl Scouts: Underground Edition?
If you read this and have any information on the underground cookie scamming business, contact your local Girl Scout troop leaders. These girls should be considered dangerous due to their convincing smiles and noble stories of heroic sisterhood responsibilities.
From Where I Stand 