From Where I Stand

Tag: anxiety

  • This Will Solve Everything!

    This Will Solve Everything!

    Glad you’re here. Glad you decided to do this for yourself. I find that people willing to take the helping hand and in turn, humble themselves, do better in life than those who don’t.

    What is “better?” Well, it’s better than…

    Better than…being prideful, greedy, selfish, masking, denial, prideful.

    Humility in asking for help is better than all the rest of the “successful” traits.

    Humility is simply better than pride and tastes so much sweeter when experienced than does, arrogance or stupidity.

    Yes, to be humble is to be wise. Humility shows you that you can benefit from anyone at anytime, so it’s good to listen.

    What solves your problem then isn’t the solution, but the next problem.

    You want to lose weight, so you starve yourself. Thirty-five pounds later your problem is solved right? You wanted to lose weight right? You should be content now.

    But wait, your life is now more miserable than it was before. Why, well, you now have something to lose, or in this case, gain. You could gain the weight back and be the piece of crap you were before.

    You can’t go back there. You have to keep the weight off, if not lose more.

    You reinforce the belief that only certain versions of yourself are good enough to be admired, the weight-loss part, the thinner legs and slightly flatter stomach. You have to depend on the weight loss to make you happy because it cost you so much.

    But you still aren’t happy.

    So you get fat again and say “I accept me for me.” But now you are the model of yourself you so harshly judged when you were thinner, when you “had it all together.”

    Your willpower was used to get you something you thought you wanted. But you were lied to. Your solution to your identified problem is now your new problem and so on and so forth.

    Humble yourself and allow yourself to see moment to moment what you live for, and be really honest about it.

    You wanted to be sexy, wanted to be wanted, looked at, coveted. Maybe you nobilize that you wanted to feel better, and that might be true. But honestly, what is your problem, other than the fact that you are living for things you think you should live for. You assess yourself based on a measuring stick that was formed from your environment.

    Your pride says you know what to do. Your god-like self says that you alone came up with the solution. Your worst and most destructive parts have led you to a false sense of control that is actually a jail cell.

    I promised you this post would solve your problems. SO here it goes. It’s not the problem your mind tells you is a problem that needs to be solved. You don’t need to lose weight. You don’t need to be better. You need to identify the underlying repetitive narrative that tells you the same thing-feeding you what the problem is. You need to see your brain and body for what they are and stop trying to solve and fix. The resolve here is to sit and wait.

    Yes, patience and quiet.

    You create more problems by doing too much. Life isn’t measured in how much work you do. Life is given to us to be experienced and to do so with a mind focused on the highest things.

    “Whatever you do in word or deed, do it for the Lord, giving thanks through God the Father” Colossians 3:17.

    Serve your highest value in everything and you will discover that your problems are solved because they were never really the problem at all.

  • The Subtle Art of Caring

    The Subtle Art of Caring

    I am fortunate to get to hear stories everyday. Sometimes I wonder how many people wonder if I still care or not?

    I would hope that my presentation is one that demonstrates care, but what if there’s something I am unaware of that comes across as uninterested in the other person?

    But yet, to try to seem like we care isn’t really caring. To actually care requires us to no longer try to depict caring, but to feel what the other person feels.

    But then, how do we find the space for care and compassion for other people around us when we may be struggling ourselves?

    I find that it’s not about our initial thoughts that determine if we care or not, but to care is more about noticing our habitual first thoughts and choosing to act based on what matters the most.

    As humans we are designed to be together in community. I would gamble on the idea that if you dig deep enough, you do care about community. Even if you focus on yourself to be praised by that community. A reason why self-established god status is because you believe it is good for people to praise you, just like you might think it’s good to praise yourself. No god is going to think it’s not good for the people to praise them.

    As a general rule, we desire good for one another. So, although short-sided and misguided, self-promotion can be an attempt to do good.

    But how can we care about people in the right way,?

    1. We were given two ears to hear and one mouth to speak. Yes, all you philosophers out there, people loooooove to get advice, but often listening can show you care so much more.
    2. You can improve your ability to acknowledge the thoughts and then checking the thoughts against what matters to you and then choosing what action aligns with who you want to be.
    3. You want to be good, then do good.

    Good then comes down to thinking if you were that person, what would you want/need in this situation. If you like to talk like I do, then I love it when I get someone to listen to me. I love it when even though the person might not fully get what I am talking about, they can see my passion and because they want me to feel cared for, they care about hearing me talk about my passion.

    These people I like to talk with, nod, acknowledge my ideas, ask questions, even propose an alternative perspective. The best people first try to see what I am saying before they impose their ideas.

    So, thinking about the people I have enjoyed talking to, I work to mimic these people. Because of my own selfish nature, I need models to show me what a listener does to show they care. And no, it’s not being fake to do this, but it’s to live as the person I want to be.

    Now, smiling and nodding along is great, but there is so much more to caring. And this is important:

    Within a healthy relationship, I also like when I am challenged. When questioned with intent to help me see something differently I am grateful for it. I mean, I am initially defensive in my head, but with time and practice I can see how feedback is exactly what I need. So, I also use the relationship and understanding I believe I have with people to share the same challenges or alternative perspective to them. All of this is under the umbrella of caring for people’s good and wellbeing.

    Although the long-term goals of other people may be different than what we want for them, in the short time together we can demonstrate care and compassion by listening. We can improve at removing the expectation that we have to fix or answer everyone.

    Remember, when caring for others, it’s not about you.

    From where I stand, if someone comes to you with a problem, it’s good to listen. After the conversation you might find that the initial “problem” they had wasn’t really the problem. People have a desire to be heard. So, if we do to others as we would like to have done to us, we don’t give advice, correct, or even reprimand (although there is a time and place for all of these things), listen first. Then, through caring and empathetic ears we can ask ourselves what sort of conversations do we like to have and who do we think of when we imagine absolute kindness and caring at it’s best within a conversation.

  • Personality Hires

    Personality Hires

    To some extent, people are who they are and to expect them to be someone else, or naturally change into this other “ideal” person isn’t just a waste of hope, but it may lead to crushing feelings of failure for the one whom you want to change.

    There we have it, accept people for who they are and stop trying to change them, right?

    You tell me. When was the last time you had a friend, relative, spouse, roomate, church member, klansman even that you gave feedback to and they took it and ran with it?

    You may expect the feedback to be taken like this:

    “Oh thank you…I never knew I was a jerk. In my forty years of life, I assumed it was everyone else’s problem. Now I know better and will be more approachable.”

    Sure, some of the good ones will notice of small asks such as “take out the garbage,” or “Get those reports done on time.” But more advanced techniques such as “being more empathetic” or “I want my spouse to WANT to do these things” may require a bit more understanding of the person you are talking to. And I know we all love the idea that all people are capable of the same possabilites, but we aren’t all meant to do all things.

    One of the worst things that can happen when meeting with people for a problem they are having is trying to convince them to change who they are.

    For example, I was recently on a daddy-daughter trip through the Mall of America, one of the biggest malls in the world. Stacked sky high full of shopping, amusement park rides, foods, toys, all the items a child dreams of. However, I noticed a few things.

    1. My daughter doesn’t like to be told what to do or even offered options more than the ones she has already considered- she told me this.
    2. I shouldn’t expect anything. From moment to moment, she likes one thing, but then likes another.- She even asked to eat sushi which I never thought would happen.
    3. When she asks for something and I tell her “no” (rare, but it does happen), she doesn’t respond to it. But more than that, she keeps asking. Not in an annoying way or just to manipulate, but because she gets fixated on it, like can’t stop thinking about it. Much like the stuffy we saw on day one was talked about for the next two days! “When are we going to get that stuffy?” The thought would hit her in the middle of swimming, or while at dinner. Just a loop, playing around and around.
    4. If you are not concrete with her, she will find the loophole. Even if you lay out the plan, she is a wordsmith with her ability to redefine the terms of what was said.- “you said “no” earlier, but does that still apply now? And were you meaning no forever or just today?”
    5. She loves talking to adults that respond back to her with useful information. She finds the typical questions of “hows school” odd and doesn’t care to think of an answer. “Good” she says to keep people off her back. But if interested you get her to tell you anything.
    6. She is….well, much like her mom and dad in so many ways that I am hit with reality over and over again how much I need to listen and not get ahead of myself or assume the worst.

    You see, we all have brains that are wired from genetics, through birth and raised in environments that later attend to certain things and not others. We all pick up different details and hold things in our minds in different ways. We were all made uniquely by God for a reason and therefore “limits” as people like to argue, against, aren’t condemning, but freeing to find what we have no business in and then can let go of.

    One theory on human development is that humans learn by association or better, relationships to something else. To understand a concept, or thing, you have to have something earlier experienced to help conceive the idea.

    For example, numbers. Numbers are nothing to a baby. But as the child learns the material world and its significance, she may realize that two of something is more than one. Eventually numbers represent meaning but then the meaning is later exchangeable. Thus, two chores are not greater than one chore…unless you like chores of course.

    My daughter, much like your employee, or aunt, uncle, mother, garbage man, pilot, coroner, they hold things, see things, interpret things in their own way. I am not a better parent to anyones kid because I am formed into being my child’s parent. But it has taken me a long time to better understand her as her own person to live this role as an earthly father for her to influence who she is going to be.

    How many times do we stop seeing people for who they really are, only to see them for how we hold them in our heads, no matter how faulty that is. We stop listening to our friends and family because we “know what they are going to say.” Or we stop looking at our wives, employees, coworkers because we fail to see them as people.

    Side note: Do you ever watch those movies with evil henchmen who just die in masses by the hero? I mean, those people were humans, with moms and dads, lives, hobbies, all of their details were just as important to them as yours are to you. And here we are, watching John Wick go through and lay them down by the dozens. Just saying, I wonder how those families are doing after our “hero” obliterates their loved ones.

    Think of the employee who doesn’t do quality work because they realize they can skip the hard parts and probably won’t get caught. For this person, experience has taught them that there is little value in the work itself and the end product is what is most important. If you place this employee on a performance improvement plan, it can temporarily reinforce the fact they are being watched, but that’s about it. We hope it will instill the work as a priority, but wouldn’t we also hope they knew that already, that as adults they have worked before and that whoever is paying you, we can safely assume, wants quality work?

    Old habits, or core personality traits, and core beliefs about what it means to work and value one has in work, not to mention inner feelings towards community or principle, integrity, deeper elements of quality work, their spiritual relationships, all determine what a person will do in work, long-term.

    Not to sound too much like a tyrant on a Disney movie who says this person can’t do this, or can’t do that, the truth is, some people can’t do what is required to stay the partner or employee needed in the relationship. Not that one isn’t good for anyone or any job, but that this current situation, with their personality, won’t work out.

    Admitting limits isn’t a bad thing, but a peaceful acceptance that you are made for some things and not for others. You aren’t made for everything and sometimes a job will serve mercy and let you go so you don’t have to keep trying to be someone you aren’t. The key from any situation is to accept it for what it is and use the opportunity to figure out what your strengths are and where you can best leverage these strengths.

    Maturity, new information, new situations, encouragement or discouragement, all things can change a person’s perspective, but the change will still be from the person doing it, and will only change if the person sees some value in the change. You can’t make someone care about something, you can only show them and let them decide to care or not.

    So, what’s wrong with a personality hire? As someone who is personable, I find it helpful to work with people who fit more so than someone who might have a better resume, but isn’t willing to change or learn to the human beings around them.

    What’s worse than a jerk who is intentionally mean? Someone who is a jerk, doesn’t know it, doesn’t accept feedback about it, and justifies their mood and approach based on the wrong that has been done to them.

    If you are looking for an employee or partner, from where I stand, I think it is the most critical to find someone who is willing to take feedback and respect boundaries of others and work demands. Otherwise, you’ll be fighting an uphill battle to someone who is the way they are and will be whether or not they get on a performance plan, an ultimatum, or simply just get ignored by people that don’t want to be around them.

    In summary, sometimes your problems in life are you, not them. Take the feedback, meditate on it, ask yourself what matters to you and stop trying to cover inadequacies, but own them as equal parts of yourself.

  • Crushing the spirits of little kids (one bumper car at a time).

    Crushing the spirits of little kids (one bumper car at a time).

    There I was…

    Sitting in a bumper car amid youthful eyes, pigtails, and hopeful expressions. The ride was for all sizes 42” and above. My 77” self barely fit in the cart. Around me were those barely crossing the line from restricted red to admission blue.

    As innocence was radiating from the children behind the wheel, maybe for the first time ever in that position, I looked at them and then their observing parents. One father’s eyes met mine. His protection sensors went up.

    Fathers can feel this sort of thing.

    He looked at me. Looked at the other small children. I looked at his wrist. No wristband. He couldn’t get in. Decided to save some money and not spring for the $50 ticket to ride with his kids. I get that.

    I sprung for it. Now in a moment I had a choice to make. Do I smash full force with my 265 pounds of momentum gaining energy behind every inch of rubber track, jolting the kids into puberty? Or do I settle, drive around and seek out only my own seed to smash from the side?

    The little buzzer went off.

    I glimpsed at the sign “no headfirst bumping.” I thought about this rule for a second.

    I saw a kid, he was headed my way. I evaded him.

    With the 360 degree turn radius I spun around and headed in the opposite direction.

    I was rear ended. I went ahead, saw two girls, sisters I assume. Rolling around laughing at the fact they keep getting stuck. I decide to head in their direction, to lightly bump them loose.

    They turn into me.

    SMASH!

    Headfirst and it looked like I was seeking them out. I quickly spin the wheel, to back out, leave them be in the wake of their trauma.

    I await the screams from an irritated parent.

    I turn around.

    SMASH

    The child looks at me after the recoil of the abrupt stop of his cart. His head pulls up. The brief life he’s lived shows like a movie projected across his eyes.

    I back up again and break free from the multi-cart pileup. Free now to steer clear of anymore lives I don’t want to destroy.

    The gravitas of the situation enhanced by adult eyes, my peers with children younger than mine, make me want to park my cart and throw my hands up.

    SMASH

    This same boy as before, a kid with a mullet peering at me like I’m his elementary school bully. I smile a bit at him and he grits his teeth and drives forward at me again.

    Bump this time, but pushes me into the wall.

    “Ha. Alright, got me.” I say lightly.

    He bumps me again. Then he follows me, chasing me like a sugar-crazed kid who didn’t take his morning medications.

    I glance at the parents…no one seems to be watching him. I pull forward a bit, spinning the wheel to come at him with the little distance I have.

    “You little brat” I think to myself, feeling the surge of energy through my hands and electrifying my left leg to slam down the little red button to charge the car forward.

    “You think it’s funny you little….”

    BUZZ! “Alright riders, please wait till your cart comes to a complete stop before exiting the vehicle.”

    The overhead voice finishes and pan out to see my cart and the boys a few inches from the fronts of the carts meeting.

    I come back to reality. The fog lifts. I am me again, a father, a loving…um at least understanding follower of Christ.

    I….I sort of blanked on my identities and went to this realm of emotions.

    I relied on my body to tell me what to do, rather than what I know to do. I felt annoyed and competitively wanted to smash this annoying bug of a boy into bumper cart oblivion.

    Who was that guy? Where did he come from?

    “I’ve been here the whole time.” My mind says to me.

    Welp, guess I have some work left to do, and that doesn’t mean honing in on my bumper cart skills. But to humble my self that I might not be as good as I think I am.

    To choose the light, you’ve got to know the darkness inside of you.

  • Parasite x Brain.

    Parasite x Brain.

    The parasitic flatworm Dicrocoelium dendriticum aka Liver fluke, aka “zombie ant fungus,” infects the brain of ants resulting in the ant crawling to the tallest point of a plant preparing to get eaten for the highest possibility of fertilization.

    Imagine it.

    The parasite drives the ant up the stem to be crushed in the grinding maxilla and mandible of livestock, ingesting the parasite to flourish in a new home. Then, if it gets too cold, if the ant isn’t consumed, it retreats to try again tomorrow.

    Mindless-drones doing as the parasitic infection demands, with no other objective than to spread. Now, that is scary, good thing we don’t have such a thing in humans.

    Facebook

    Instagram

    Twitter

    TikTok

    CNN

    MSNBC

    FoxNews

    NPR

    CNBC

    Us humans, we like to think we make good choices. We want to be good, we want to do what is best. No one goes forward with full intention of making the wrong choice. Unlike the ignorant ant, humans have intentionality and we loooove to use our smarts to justify our choices.

    Maybe the ants think we are the crazy ones for being influenced by entertainment sources to tell us how to live. The fact that we allow the fictional narrative of social media to alter how we view ourselves might be reason enough for the ants to prefer their colony over a cell phone.

    What if…just what if…the narrative you hold about yourself, the inner assessment of how well you’re doing in life and what you believe is important, was built on false teachings?

    Though we aren’t being manipulated to crawl up any trees, sacrificing ourselves to the further pollination of disease, we are choosing to go to the top of whatever proverbial grass blade, (social outlet) there is and sacrifice our true selves to the influence of misinformation for capital gain or continued social acclimation.

    Ask yourself, why do I do what I do and what really matters to me the most? Take a reflective look at your life and see the truth of where you have invested your time.

    Our entire life is a receipt of where we spent our most precious gift. If you did what you thought you should do, or did something because you wanted to fit in, or did something because you felt some sort of emotional response that you needed to satisfy, then it’s not too late to make a change and start living as yourself and what matters.

    Some brains are too far gone. The infection has spread and lingered for too long and delusion has sunk in. The once-malleable brain now plagued with a barrage of persuasion has the ability to rewrite history to support the slow crawl completely motivated by the influence of the parasitic ideas hellbent on the host’s destruction.

    If life is spent on anything less than the most meaningful thing, it’s a waste.

  • It’s Not You…It’s Me (But still some of you)

    It’s Not You…It’s Me (But still some of you)

    “You are pissing me off.”Jeremy says as he abruptly turns around.

    “I don’t think you even care about me.” Betty starts to sob.

    Jeremy, now feeling the sting of Betty’s once-again sobbing decides not to give in this time.

    “You are so hard to talk to, you never get it.”

    Betty looks up with crocodile tears in her eyes, one trickle’s down her face as though a cinematic conclusion is about to take place.

    “You’re an A**hole.”

    Breakdown

    Here we go again, another disagreement between Betty and Jeremy. These two are always going at it.

    It seems as though something was going on here that set off Betty and according to her final conclusion, Jeremy must just be being an A-hole again.

    But then again, Jeremy says some pretty significant things too. Betty is actually “pissing him off.” That doesn’t feel good. Oh, and then to talk and not have your partner “get it.” Darn, sorry Jeremy.

    Boy, what a conundrum here. What a pickle. I guess both have to work on why one is an A-hole and the other needs to listen and “get it” better.

    Actually…

    What was said here does not represent what is actually going on. You see, Jeremy here stated that he is “pissed” and he places the blame on to Betty, with the “You are” portion of the comment. Interesting really, how does one actually “piss off” anyone, but isn’t it our own choosing to engage that emotion, to express that frustration because “you” did it? Is Jeremy’s “pissed-ness” actually all of Betty’s fault, or does Jeremy have some work to do to identify a few things?

    1. What does it mean to be “pissed off?” What does that expressional term feel like.
    2. What exactly did Jeremy notice Betty do that led to this feeling and is it a justified response from him or is he sensitive to certain things?
    3. When having a feeling and attributing blame to someone else, what can Jeremy do within when he feels this sort of way to better cope with the feeling he defines as “pissed off?”
    4. Also, what does Jeremy want with the chosen response of saying to Betty, “You are pissing me off?” What is the objective here? Don’t focus on what is said, but why, in this moment, did Jeremy saying these things.

    Look, these two have a difficult time communicating. And you can see why both Jeremy and Betty have a good amount of work to do at identifying what they want out of a conversation and how to better represent that want. Also, deeper within, the triggered response inside of each one, that they so quickly attribute to the other removes their part in things, which is an unhealthy road to go down. When you become a victim, everyone becomes your persecutor and lose control.

    Familiar Pain

    Patterns and habits are familiar to our brain and therefore the mind wants to stay in their already-established grooves. It is easier to stay in the familiar pain than it is to have to pull out of those grooves to do something different. Jeremy is pissed, clearly, but it isn’t all Betty that is the cause. Betty’s words, actions, early contexts with Jeremy all come to a head inside of Jeremy’s mind and he reacts with what appears to be trying to hurt Betty.

    Yes, sometimes, as much as we all want to deny it, our actions are intended to hurt the other person, which is why we use such harsh and seemingly ineffective words. I say “seemingly ineffective” because we think we want to articulate something towards a conclusion (making Jeremy’s words ineffective), but in reality we are hurt, and then we want to hurt the other person. Therefore, in one way, our hurtful words are very effective towards hurting someone The problem is that we think ourselves to be good people and believe the words were ineffective towards a healthy conversation. Jeremy didn’t want resolve, he wanted to hurt. Remember, hurt people, hurt people. We all choose to hurt people each day when we ignore contest and fail to apply what we know rationally to triggered emotions.

    Jeremy’s opening line is a result of a context within a situation with his partner which is from HIS own self to then determine to hurt Betty. The worst part, as is seen by not wanting to admit we go around hurting people, we aren’t even consciously aware we are hurting each other with our words. Our mind literally lies to us to protect us, justifying what we said, not with intent to hurt, but because we felt justified to say something.

    More to the story here and many hours could be written about these lines alone. Not to mention getting into each person’s past of themselves and the ups and downs of the relationship it’s self.

    However, from where I stand on this one, the only thing Jeremy and Betty can do is control and work on the deep reactionary pains from within themselves. These can be commonly referred to as “triggers.”

    So, it’s not you, it’s me. Isn’t all that wrong here. It’s actually a pretty accurate statement. It is MY reaction to your action (and underlying preconceived hurts, pains, etc.) that caused me to say hurtful and unproductive things.

    So, be more mindful Jeremy and Betty and don’t be so quick to respond. Sit in the emotion of the response. Allow your mind and body to experience the hurt of what is said to you. If you say something that hurt them, you are better to reflect and sit in that as well. Improvement in communication isn’t just saying words, it is doing work within each person’s self to be honest and articulate what you actually want to say and for what purpose.

    Or…you can just continue to argue in the familiar way until eventually you are so bitter you lose all hope of any improvement.

    You can’t control or alter your partner’s mindset with words. Changed actions reveal what you truly believe.

  • Enough Rope?

    Give someone enough space to let them fail

    or crumble

    or self-destruct

    or….figure themselves out.

    “Let em cook”- Me (I say that)

    If you struggle with confidence, then listen up. Confidence is not found in “doing better” but found in acceptance.

    Take a nervous mom. Now, nervous mom can’t watch child fail. Nervous mom runs in and helps. Nervous mom is nervous and so she doesn’t have the time or patience to hold their child accountable or encourage them to ask for things. Nervous mom just does things for the child because “it’s easier for her to do it herself.”

    In short, nervous mom fails to provide what the child needs, which is the space for the child to figure themselves out. See, nervous mom has nervous thoughts and these thoughts overwhelm her. Nervous thoughts fuel nervousness.

    So, to all the nervous moms, dads, future parents, children of nervous parents, we can combat this with….

    Self-acceptance.

    Even stepping outside of the strictly psychological and into the deeper foundations of what it means to be a thinking human, is to notice our souls encompass our bodies. Our bodies are organs and flesh, upheld and driven by a soul. To a nervous person, the soul can hardened over time and thus reliance on the body’s sensations takes over.

    See, the flesh is weak, the soul and spirit are strong. The flesh tears, the organs fail, the brain contains ego that is scared of people and the challenges they propose to the sense of self the ego has formed. But the Soul, that is something else, something that sees the world through a God-dependent and therefore most full perspective.

    Even if you don’t believe in God, but you struggle with confidence, you still benefit from pretending to believe. Yes, even acting as an all-sovereign being made you and everything around you puts things in a proper perspective. Get out of your own head for a while and choose to view yourself through a different lens.

    Christians (those who claim to know God as God and therefore Christ as salvation for our eternal souls and ideal model of life) we should not be nervous.

    Unless…

    we don’t really believe what we say….

    we want to stay in charge and rely on the failing body to choose for us by way of “feelings.”

    we are warped in our thinking, thus say we have faith but act on reliance of other thing more.

    No matter who you are, it is confidence in the whole self that has to occur for you to be you. Then you can go into any situation unworried because you have this core that will not be shaken. For non-believers, you can hold to a core sense of values to stay consistent in any situation. For Christians, your soul is dependent not on the body, but God and His Promises.

    Remember: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Those sorts of promises.

    Back to the space: Nervousness/anxiety/insecurity/lack of self confidence etc. do not allow room for someone, even yourself, to “figure it out.” You need the faith that what will be, will be. Who you are is who you are. If you don’t like who you are, that’s furthest from self acceptance. You need to understand that you can’t hate yourself or deny parts of yourself and progress into a peaceful and successful life.

    So, parents, give the kid space to fail and figure some things out. Adults and children otherwise, give yourself the space to feel what you’re feeling and experience what it’s like to cope with that feeling.

    Once you know that you CAN tolerate feelings and emotions that otherwise trouble you or cause you to overreact, you also know you don’t have to control or stop others from learning that they too can tolerate and even get more creative in their problem solving.

    So, in conclusion and from where I stand, it is better to be given space to fail and then learn from or about that failure than it is to indulge the nervousness and what it tells you to do to be “Safe.”

  • This One Time…

    This One Time…

    Humility isn’t found easily. I’m not saying you have to be humiliated to experience it, but it does seem to be found in painful places.

    So, I was thirty years old. I knew it all. This was waaaay after when I was nineteen and knew it all. Long after when I was twelve and really knew it all. No, this was thirty and I had just published my first book after a successful blog run.

    I went by NutritionLuke and I had a blog about nutrition and mental health. Oh, I was also a budding therapist at the time too, so now I really had some weight behind me.

    I stood on a stage with a giant red dot on it and a sign behind me that read, TedX Lincoln. I was giving a Ted Talk about, you guessed it, nutrition and mental health.

    You can view it here if you want.

    I worked for months putting together and memorizing my speech. Also, I suuuck at memorizing things, just ask my Awanas instructors from grades k-8th.

    So, I cut out a lot of material and I put together a speech lasting about eight grueling minutes, most of which was just a story about how I was an overweight kid who ate processed foods.

    I mentioned in my speech about the correlation between processed foods and certain phsycial and mental health conditions and how food may be contributing to the opposite end of the fight, and it was winning.

    According to the materials I had read and the articles I came across, I was cruising along confidently. Then I dropped one line so subtly in the speech “processed foods are leading to increased mental health disorders.” And then I said it, “including ADHD.”

    Dang.

    Yeah, I attributed a neurobiological disorder to what we eat.

    Now, I am not saying certain foods won’t make symptoms of mental health worse, but to claim ADHD was derived from diet alone, well, that was wrong.

    Neurobiology entails that something like ADHD is something developed from brain structure, pathways, chemistry, the sort of thing you are born with. This is why so many people have a family history of ADHD.

    I claimed something and talked about it and I think there are like a thousand views on my my YouTube video and I can’t do anything but tell people that was like ten years ago.

    But that doesn’t matter does it? I was wrong in what I said on stage and have been wrong in what I have said to people in other ways. I have been wrong many times. And so have professionals too. I mean like real professionals (remember COVID?).

    From where I stand, we should all sit with our failures a little more than we should try to dismiss them. We should all be wrong a little more and feel that feeling the moment we realized that we were in fact wrong about something. No one is right ALL the time and when you get your slice of humble pie, eat it up nice and slow.

    Being humble does not come by choice, one does not say how humble they are or claim that they have worked really hard on being humble. That would dismiss the humility in the claim. So, sit with the public shame of your YouTube, Insta-post, TikTok, or dig deep and notice the posts you used to put on FaceBook many, many years ago for some of you. Sitting with these embarrassing things and owning up to them might end up being the best thing that ever happens to you.

    Classic Luke

  • Too Much Choice.

    Too Much Choice.

    I hate sales.

    I hate that I like sales.

    I hate that sales influence me to purchase something I wouldn’t have before, when it was full price.

    I guess it’s that I have some fulfillment in getting a good deal. It’s like I “got one over” on society or the business or something.

    I think it’s probably an unhealthy trait to wait for a deal. Finding something cheaper and buying it even when I wasn’t looking might not be a good habit.

    Dang it, Nike.com with your deals on Air Max 90s.

    This is also what I assume many people struggle with. They are so afraid of tariffs because of this.

    Here’s what I know about tariffs in the current climate: Americans are going to spend more money. They will need to pay more to buy products made by or with parts from other countries.

    Here’s what I hear from people: Things are going to become so expensive. It will cost too much to afford certain things they need.

    First thought: I guess I won’t be buying as many extra things.

    Alphabet Soup

    Do you go on to Amazon trying to find a product you knew you wanted? You end up seeing 20+ different versions sold from 20 different companies. Some of the names range from XXYO to Chapowzie, from ZIMONA to XXXCHYX.

    Are these real companies or are they all the same companies under different names to corner a market?

    Recently I was looking for better lighting for my online meetings. Now, I know the safest bet is to go to a store. You can see what they have and purchase it outright. Unfortunately, my expectant price point for this lighting system was skewed once I saw online some of the prices that the alphabet soup companies had. According to NEEWER the price of a selfie light was $24.99, but tech giant Logitech sells the same thing for $49.99. And If I really wanted a deal, XINBAOHONG sells the same light for $15.99.

    All the lights claim to do the same thing. They provide an appropriate amount of soft or camera-ready light to make me look stunning online. But the Logitech one is over double the price of the cheapest one.

    I have bit the bullet numerous times. I have many Logitech products that work really well. I know what I am getting. I also see the price compared to what the internet showed me what could have been and I am less satisfied and believe I got duped.

    “Why did you have to be so fancy Luke, just get the cheaper one Luke.”

    A Few Years Ago vs. Today

    Now my guilt sets in and I feel like I did as a child when I was embarrassed that we had store brand foods when the other kids had brands like Kraft and Helmans. I had “processed cheese product” and Wal-Mart’s home brand “Mayo.”

    But I am not a kid anymore and I want to…well…. I want to save money honestly.

    So, are more options better? Is the cheapest and thus money-saving option the best? It used to be pretty clear cut. Before the internet, you had a few options. You chose the old Bed Bath and Beyond method between “Good,” “Better,” and “Best.” Now if I apply my father’s logic that “It’s all the same,” I end up with a product that comes in a box with Chinese instructions. It doesn’t work longer than a week.

    If I didn’t know any better and could only go to the store and only knew this price for a computer light, I would be paying what was asked. Now, I know that I am paying more, when it was always just the price of the product.

    Once again Internet, you have ruined us.

    America has a plague that is overlooked. I see it in the face of my daughter whenever she’s given a choice from a large selection. She becomes paralyzed. Even if it’s the Friday night movie snack, the more options, the more stress to get it just right. When she only has the one freezer-burned ice cream sandwich to choose, she grabs it and starts eating and isn’t the wiser.

    Which leads me to my point. From where I stand, if prices continue to rise, tough choices will need to be made. Should we really see this as a problem? Alternatively, can we see some of the benefit in the idea that less is more?

    I’m not supporting all the reasons of the current President’s choices on why Tariffs are necessary, but I will say that it may take some stress out of life by my unwillingness to pay a certain price for something I don’t absolutely need (I.E. another pair of glasses, a NEW work light, that certain sweater that is somehow less than $30 on Amazon). So, unless I need another computer light to be able to work, I can hold on to my old one. I still have the past three.

    In essence, if I don’t need it, I shouldn’t be tempted to buy it. This applies even if there is a deal. It also applies if yAyusi sells it for a fraction of the cost.

    Life is all about perspective. If you choose to be upset and it ruins your day, then go for it. If you see an alternative to the negative we hear each day, you might find peace. This can happen even in the midst of a storm.

  • From Where I Stand

    From Where I Stand

    I am not new to starting projects. In fact, I am really good at it.

    For example: I had this idea to start a website where people could go to find easy opportunities to volunteer. In a particularly righteous and zealous state of mind, I thought of a message board where people could post questions or request small tasks they needed help with. This was intended to give others the opportunity the volunteer and assist those people.

    I came up with a blueprint on how things would work, thought of the name, ran through various scenarios where the people were getting help. In a fit of excitement and blindness to the restraints of time and requirement of finances on my end to pull off, I told my loving and very patient wife.

    She wasn’t as excited. I can only imagine the scene as a wild-eyed man with another “good idea” thrust onto her at 7AM was in fact her husband, whom she was bound to.

    Turns out, starting a whole revolution of community volunteerism is quite a project and after obtaining the website, a legal question came up, I got nervous, and started writing a new book instead.

    I had this other idea that I was going to write a book about being a Christian. Not only was the book going to be written from my very limited pool of knowledge, and youthful vigor of a know-it-all, but I turned it into three books! Imagine an early 30-something up at 3AM with all sorts of “good ideas” telling you how to live sacrificing the ways of the world from the comfort of a recliner, on a MacBook, and a gym obsession, fueled by three hours of sleep. I still love the title, “Volition.” In retrospect, I knew nothing and the multi-thousands of words written (even getting to book three) were in fact hurtful for anyone new to the faith who would have read it.

    One line from the book said: “As a believer in the most-high God, what else really matters? I mean, really, what else could possibly be worth spending time on and what else is worth concerning yourself with.”

    After a few years, a little more experience, and achieving a degree in seminary, I discovered that God does care about what we do here and there are things that matter. I guess it’s why God made us embodied beings and allowed us to develop materials, because He cares, so we should to.

    I had an idea for a child’s spoon with a deeper basin to hold more milk. The idea was to convince parents that this would lead to more protein in each bite and less wasted milk. Just imagine how the extra milk per bite could add up. I was thinking of naming it “Protein Spoon” or “Pro-Spoon.” However, getting a patent would cost around $10K, and considering I went as far as trying to poke a hole to deepen the spoon only to throw it away after ten minutes, I most-likely would have lost interest during manufacturing.

    Now, I recognize that my viewpoint is limited, which is why I named this blog “From Where I Stand.” I’m a therapist with a background in theology, and people say I explain things well. I wanted to create a space where I could share my thoughts and perspectives for others to easily read.

    Also, I should mention here that my grammar use, occasional spelling issues, and otherwise odd sentences are just who I am. I write as awkward as I speak. But, (can you start a sentence with but?) if you hang on I think you could get something out of taking the time to read my perspective.

    So, I will turn my Grammarly app on, and give my thoughts the permission to run (mostly)free. If you have negative comments or criticisms, then I appreciate you taking those and putting them in the suggestions box right inside my kitchen trash can.

    Otherwise, I wanted to share something before I kick this off.

    Remember that when you feel like you are going crazy, instead of going with the narrative that it’s you, sometimes its good to look around and realize, “oh, of course I am feeling crazy, it’s craziness out here.” Remember that the more off-kilter you are, the more commercials and media can slip something by you, take advantage of you, and you’ll lose yourself on the next “solution.”

    And with that, I welcome you to join along and hopefully get something out of this.

    (P.S. I only paid for a year so if this thing becomes boring, I guess it’l be on to the next thing.)